Baby? No, thank you.

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Lately, I feel like everywhere I look someone is either pregnant or taking home a new baby. 

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Seriously – my nephew is due fairly soon, women at church keep showing up in adorable maternity dresses showcasing their latest baby bump, my Facebook feed is blowing up with baby shower pictures, “in labor” play-by-plays, creative pregnancy announcements and sonograms (my least favorite), and even Leslie and Ben – possible SPOILER ALERT – are having triplets!

What is this world coming to? “Well, we are at the age where most people start having kids,” Jared tells me every time I see a new picture and ask this question out loud (he loves that I need the obvious to be stated to me multiple times a week). But how? How can I be this age already – an age I used to expect I’d at least consider getting started –and so far from ready to even think about starting a family of more than cats?

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It’s more than just my aversion to babies (Baby animals? Nothing cuter. Baby humans? Um, let’s just say I can think of a few other things I’d rather look at or play with). It’s even more than the time they consume. And it’s even more than the amount of money they cost. It’s not a fun thing to think about when you’re starting a family, but wow. Little people cost not-so-little fortunes.

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What freaks me out the most is that they’re much more than little creatures for people to ooh and ah at or buy tiny, precious shoes for. They’re human beings who are going to grow up and have lives that affect other lives – and you will be responsible for them. Forever. That is a lot of pressure and a level of responsibility I am not ready to handle. 

Does my heart melt when I watch my husband play with his awesome kid cousins or interact with other little ones? Of course - I'm not a monster.

But how about when I think of us attempting middle-of-the-night diaper changes, trying to explain ‘why’ questions, saving for college funds and all of the worst-case-scenarios I come up with? Not so much. I mean, after all, you could parent to the best of your ability and still turn some less-than-stellar people out into the world. 

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Having kids is such a ‘normal’ and expected thing in society, but when you stop and think about what you’re actually doing, it’s pretty overwhelming. This is why I don’t understand how so many people think it’s perfectly acceptable to ask why you don’t have kids yet, when you’re planning to, etc.

Congratulations (seriously - I admire you) to people able to step up to the challenge, but I have a long way to go before I can.  Some say it’s selfish to wait (or put off kids altogether), and some say it’s smart. In my case, it is smart - though I might be biased. 

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I want a career where I feel somewhat stable and headed in the right direction. I want us to not be drowning in student loans. I want to be living in a place where I’d feel happy ‘settling down.’ I want to learn how to cook edible food and clean efficiently. I want to have a little more fun enjoying my freedom, learning more about myself and life in general and enjoying all of my husband’s attention a little while longer. OK, that last one sounds a little selfish, but if I can’t become a better version of myself before becoming a mom, then how does that benefit anyone involved?

Of course, not all pregnancies are planned, and bless those of you who make smart, responsible decisions when this happens. And of course, if our parents waited until just the right moment when they felt ready, most of us wouldn’t be here today. But right now since I do have a choice, I am choosing to say no, thank you for asking (even though it’s a huge, personal, life-changing decision and not really any of your business).

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