Wednesday, April 9, 2014

How to make every day a bad day

I loved Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club, but I have to be honest: one of my favorite MM movies will always be How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and today's post is loosely inspired by the how-to-in-reverse concept.

Lately I seem to have come face-to-face with life - reasons the phrase "life isn't fair" exists and situations that make you realize why your parents told you to stop trying to grow up so fast because it's not all it's cracked up to be (both from personal experiences and those of people around me).

Regardless of the severity of the hurdles you encounter, the easy reaction is to let them get the best of you  - aka let them swallow you up and make you feel hopeless and worthless (dramatic, much?). So just in case it's unclear, I've outlined a few ways to ensure you always feel like a failure and hold tight to that negative energy: 

*Turn conversations with friends into frustration rants focused on ways you you can out-misery each other.

*Go home from these uplifting conversations and pore through every accomplishment of every single Facebook friend and LinkedIn contact to reiterate the fact that everyone you know (or just know of) is beating you at life.

*Invite a pizza to your pity party. . . and since you're so generous, invite a few cookies and pints of ice cream too.


*After your new friends have weighed you down to the point where you're almost immovable, plop yourself in front of a mirror and pinch and squeeze and stare at and analyze every handful you can grab and dimple you can find until you don't even recognize the tear-filled eyes peering into and judging your soul.

*In a fit of desperation, create a list of goals resembling New Year's resolutions on steroids you are now required to stick to - starting tomorrow at 5 AM with the first of three daily workouts, mixed in with ridiculous short-term career goals and all the ways you'll be a better friend, employee, partner or stranger.

*Wake up the next day and realize your list is unrealistic and the best thing to do, instead of lowering some of the expectations, is to tell yourself you'll start tomorrow for the next few days . . . of the rest of your life.

*Resent every stranger you pass because of his or her amazing life (that you invented in your head).

*Take every sour interaction you have personally and forget that people's actions say everything about them and have nothing to do with you.

*Focus only on materialistic and temporal values. 

*Instead of being thankful you have a body healthy enough to run three miles, berate yourself for not running more.

*Instead of focusing on the things you're doing right in all life aspects, focus only on what you're not doing.

*Become so overwhelmed that you give up completely and tell yourself it's not even worth it to try anymore.

*Worry, worry and worry a little more about things you can't control.

*Take playing the blame game to a whole new level.

*Take everything seriously and forget that life is about ups AND downs - and that the downs are almost more important than the ups.

I could go on and on, and I'm sure everyone could add something to this list. I am slowly learning that your attitude is really all you have, and though I may be a little late to the party, it is a beautifully painful lesson to learn, but one I hope to start living.


1 comment:

  1. Ah, I see there are some things on this list I've forgotten to do, I need to get on that. ;) Thanks for the funny and accurate list.